i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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