Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Terrible idea I love it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
