Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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