I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
