I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
