Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
