Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
