i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
