As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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