Swine flu. Run for my life!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
