Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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