I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
