If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
