I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
