so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
