The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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