i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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