your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
