where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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