What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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