he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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