why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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