im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
