when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
