Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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