When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
