nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
