You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
