So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
