I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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