that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
