i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
