I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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