This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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