and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
