oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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