Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It was confusing and full of hummus
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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