If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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