dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
