wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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