Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
