Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
