so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
