**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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