i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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