Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
