A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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