Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
