hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
