so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
