so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
