Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the day after is always just damage control
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
