her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
