someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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